I just realized today that omygosh I'm barely two weeks away from being sec2! It seems so scary and imminent now, I never did think about it much until today I heard someone remarking about it, and I'm like, omygosh NO WAY it's already the 21^st! I'm gonna be sec2 so soon! I guess I've been unconsciously blocking this knowledge out of my mind, and distracting myself with important stuff like OM and housecomm and not so important stuff like Mousehunt and Tetris. But omygosh now that it's so close and now I think about it, I'm really very very nervous about next year. All those expectations I have of myself, GPA house OM and everything else... can I really do it? Can I really do so much? I know some people can, but right now I'm really wondering if I'm up to it, if I'm up to everything that I've put willingly on myself. Maybe I've been overestimating myself all this time. I really should stop doubting myself but I can't help it somehow. Next year's gonna be so busy... and all the PTs and AAs were already incredibly stressful for me this year alone, and it's only sec1, how about next year? I'm so freaked out ahhh and it's not just PTs and AAs even, it's housecomm and OM which takes up really a lot of time >< I'm really so nervous what if I can't do it? Sometimes I think my expectations of myself are just way too high and reality is far crueler and I'm just not good enough. I keep looking at all my faults and bad habits over and over again and wonder oh no how is this going to affect me next year I'm so dead uhoh this is gonna drag me down and all that. I'm really so scared :/ there're just too many uncertainties in life. You know, there's a saying that goes don't get your hopes up too high cos' chances are that everything will just come crashing down. So now I ask myself, am I being realistic? Was it ever right to put all this on myself? I'm so confused, I really don't know what to do now. 2 weeks. 2 more weeks of being THE juniors. Then we'll be seniors, in a sense anyway, and we'll be helping in Orientation for OUR juniors. It seems so scary so daunting. Eeek I'm really worried now :/ but worrying is pointless no one can forsee the future and all. But still, I'm scared. I really am scared. How! ): I really should quit worrying cos it's not gonna help anything anyway. YES I AM GOING TO QUIT WORRYING AND JUST BELIEVE. Believe in who or what I don't know, but I'll just have to believe, and hope that I can do it. And also hope that, a year later at this time, I'll be a better person than I am right now ♥ Either way, I was the one who chose this path for myself and no one else, so there's nothing to do but to proceed along the winding path that I've picked, and hope beyond everything that it's the right one.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."