July 27, 2011 @ 7:19 PM
realised today how much crap there is going on- oh man. when you don't have OM to occupy your mind every single waking moment everything else comes flooding back to you and i'm all like, oh my gosh how do you expect me to survive. but i will la, somehow somehow. and when eyas are over i'll celebrate. but for now, just keep working it'll be okay. there's a certain sense of satisfaction in work anyway.
right now everyone's being very incredibly overjoyed about the fact that sip is over and we can all rejoice but strangely i don't feel anything at all. not that i'm not happy to get that load off my back but i just don't feel the intense joy or relief of having that gone. i wonder why.
and om today was- oh man i don't know what to say. ms may tan was scary. but i think in a way she's quite right, although i can't say i agree with everything she said. there were really a lot of moments when i just wanted to start yelling at her actually- and it was... i don't know, thoughtful, painful, very very strange. but in a way it's amazing how critical she is, how she cuts straight to the crux of matters. i'm not joining om next year, not even trying, even though it's indeed very tempting, but i don't think this is the right thing for me. the creativity and all are very wonderful, sure, but i don't like how it's gotten so competitive and instead of true creativity everyone's thinking 'will this help us beat ac' 'will this get us to worlds' and i just don't like how this amazing programme has become more of a competition, too much of a competition, when it started off as something to promote creativity. i can't say that i believe in this competitiveness, it's the right thing for some people but not for me.
...and either way i don't think ms may tan likes me/wants me to join.
balance between yourself and the team- what to do? it's so difficult to find the middle ground. and i really don't get what ms tan said about me and leadership. i don't really understand it. then again i'm not sure i understand myself well enough, but what i definitely know is that what she thinks about me isn't entirely true i guess. it's quite interesting though, to know how people see you instead of merely how you see yourself
