September 21, 2011 @ 11:10 PM
I have no idea what I'm currently doing with my life.
I'm so tempted to try and learn from celine now- it must be easier, to not care, at least your life is actually yours. but i can't sling apathy over myself and let that be my way of life- it's pretty much impossible, no matter how much i want to. i just cannot extricate myself from all this (and right now i really wish i could) because it hurts to care but that doesn't mean you just stop caring.
i feel like i'm disappointing everyone (and most of all myself) and somehow i feel responsible for so many things and can never do them properly and it's just... i don't know, i'm tired of feeling like i can't live up to my standards and everyone's expectations (even though others' expectations really shouldn't matter)
everyone's mugging like crazy for EYAs and i'm just sitting here like, i don't want to mug, i don't see the point of studying so much and memorising all the facts- i never believed in memorising stuff (except formulae) especially for humans because it's the application that's important- i do well enough without memorising the whole R&J book, or all the strategies the government takes to control population, or the dates of everything in the history textbook- it's learning because you want to, and not learning for the sake of getting a 4.0. it's understanding the perspectives of the people, and it's understanding WHY systems in science work that way, finding that link between everything, appreciating it- everything's easier that way (:
