to start loving other means you have to find yourself worthy of their love instead of judging others beforehand and we have to make sure you’re certain through time that you love someone- at that time maybe she was just trying to push her point across as easily as she could or trying to follow lesson objectives because no one was listening but- oh I have no right to say this. I don’t know, it’s the same kind of feeling each time I get lost in COIs I cannot analyse the rapid movement of each attack I just sit back and watch the way at times COIs on friendship dwindle into long lists of requirements and rules that bind friendships into a need for authority to make choices and for relationships to prosper and I understand this completely but-

we don’t need authority that destroys our relationship rather than promote it, or rules and enforcements to reinforce the way we should love, when there isn’t one (someone is protected because she is loved, not because she has a right to be). and what is the use of using power to make other conform to what you want, because ultimately all the trust we speak of that rolls off our tongues so easily when we talk about relationships isn’t as complicated as not making out with someone else or not letting out secrets but just the knowing that you are loved- that we can love without any agenda whatsoever without the fear of judgment or shifting into the mold the relationship has forced on us.

I guess what I don’t understand the most is how so many people can go around telling people how to love when it isn’t anything you can do without any form of genuine emotion- you can’t experience an act of love in being told the ideal process, because I don’t think there is one. Maybe this is why it’s always so difficult for us to talk about love because all the sarcasm and pragmatism that ensues is so difficult to counter, because it’s all about looking for the perfect relationship that enables more power and authority and not submitting to them and thinking we can’t love at first sight, or that this is all so complicated.

Really, expensive beauty accessories aside, all this marketing of ingenuity in relationships never made all this any more cheap and tangled than it used to be.

We keep searching for love when it can be as simple as Lisa sending me an e-card at 6.52am on her way to school wishing me happy birthday with a dog probing mysterious boxes of balloons flying out ♥ I don’t really know where this post is going and I think it’s just something about CLE that’s very- difficult for me to understand, and maybe this is just another less-than-adequate-philo-journal kind of post but oh well just a thought