FINE I'M JUST NOT SMART ENOUGH IN THIS SUPER COMPETITIVE AND GENIUS SCHOOL. so many people i know are way better/smarter than me and it's just frustrating- i know i always say that grades don't matter very much, but it's kind of... impossible? in that sense because it's just impossible to not care at all, and at times like this when everyone is getting all excited about what RAs they're going to try out for i'm just like... why can't i be as good as them? 

i know gpa doesn't quantify anything, and definitely not my passion for a subject, but- argh argh argh this is so.. i don't know why i'm suddenly letting this get to me so badly. this is ridiculous.

but honestly, what do you do in moments like this? what can you do? 

dramanite auditions on thursday and i am so frustrated because our class literally hasn't rehearsed at all- we're going to be this class with props but HORRENDOUS ACTING. i wish the rest of the class would chip in more, i'm sick of being one of those few, very few people that actually do something or even make an effort to help instead of just sitting there and playing cards, or watching drama/anime, or do something completely unrealated to the matter at hand. i'm tired of how in so many situations its always the same people contributing, giving ideas, actually doing work, while the rest just sit there and do their own things. i'm tired of trying to tell people that it's a group effort, not something that one or two people do. just because some people are overseeing things doesn't mean you throw everything to them. i don't know how many times i've tried to tell this to various groups of people and i really am freaking (i don't usually type like this but arghhh) tired of it. 

i don't know what brought about this sudden bout of teenage angst. i'm just tired, i guess.