April 3, 2012 @ 11:23 PM
haven't been
blogging lately- no time, nothing to blog about. what scares me about myself
nowadays is how… desensetized? I seem to be getting about things, I’m finding
myself caring less and less about things, and its only getting more difficult to
rediscover the drive and passion I used to have- still have, just buried
somewhere deeper inside.
This year so far I’ve been trying so hard, too hard perhaps, to do
everything, to please everyone, and in doing this I’m not sure if I’ve been
ignoring myself. Week 3 of term 3 and I’m already being overwhelmed by this
exhaustion and constant fatigue, this is not good- the rest of the term is
going to be so much crazier. Need to prioritize and sort out everything- this year,
there’re so many more different things to do, and it’s very exhausting to want to
do well in everything. I’m so tired right now and I’m not sure why- I’m not
exactly very sleep deprived or anything, but I seem to have lost the motivation
to do anything. This is very bad ): grr.
Need to start sorting out my priorities- one thing I’ve realised
about myself is that I’m really not the type of person that can work non-stop, I
cannot do everything, and I need to somehow find the drive in me to keep going,
to constantly know what I’m doing. Not
enough time to do both of that and I really need to stop trying to do
everything- but I’m so scared of disappointing people. Not sure if I’m
committing to too many things (last year was somewhat easier haha, sure OM was
crazy but at least there was the singular focus and drive)- and another problem
is that nowadays it seems so hard to find people who really do things out of
passion. Too many people around me are doing things for the sake of RD or GPA
and it’s so frustrating and disillusioning when no one around you seems to understand. We’ve changed so much since
sec one, everyone’s so achievement oriented now and I understand if that’s how
they work, but it’s just really…aiya.
