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retrogade
NERDFIGHTER
{ DFTBA }
NERDFIGHTER
{ DFTBA }
After AA, spending the entire Sunday being immensely proud of the batch and of everyone, and then these things come along and hit you with full force. And it's so impossible to reconcile this-- the pride and the love, the disappointment.
And I expected more from you. I know you were tired. I know we all were tired. I can see where you're coming from, to come extent. But what I cannot understand is why we are always the ones who end up having to compromise, over and over again, just because you are tired, just because you have personal things-- so do we. It feels like everything we've put in for months, all the late nights and the sweat and tears has been undermined-- simply like that. And that is frustrating because we genuinely respect your opinions, we want you to be proud of us, to be happy for us, but instead what do we get? Not even a you tried your best, it wasn't perfect but good job anyway. And yes, you couldn't have understood how much we've put in for this one thing we all believe in, but instead of dismissing it just because of personal reasons, couldn't you have at least tried to understand this?
Also, hypocrisy. So much hypocrisy. I don't see what your issue is, but please please tell me what is wrong with trying to enjoy our event. It frustrates me that the people who plan something never get to enjoy it because responsibility, obligation, setting a good example but we do want to taste the fruits of our own labour. This is our last big thing as a batch, couldn't you have let us enjoy it for a while? What, may I ask, is wrong with wanting to take a full batch photo? What is wrong with wanting to celebrate what we have created? You should understand, you were in this very same position not too long ago, and I really cannot understand your attitude towards all this.
And yes, it wasn't perfect. In retrospect, it could have been better. But still, how much more could we have done? And because it matters, it hurts. Some people are beating themselves up over this, for many of us it changes things, and I am just extremely disappointed that you didn't even bother letting us understand where exactly we went wrong. And we are affected, because we've done so much and tried so hard yet it's just all brushed off so casually because of a few little things, making it feel like there is no room for error at all even if we've never done this before, we've created something that is as huge as we ever have, and we're just sixteen, still struggling to find our place in the midst of all these expectations. We're just a bunch of teenagers struggling to create something that belongs to us that we can be proud of, but that is so easily destroyed.
Nevertheless, this is still our event. We haven't disappointed ourselves, we haven't disappointed each other, we have done something that is great and that we can be proud of, does all this really still matter?
It really shouldn't, but it still does.
